Empathy: Why You Should Stop Handing Out Sandwiches 🥪

Let’s be honest: when a friend is having a "truly dark day," most of us handle it with the emotional grace of a baby giraffe on ice!

We see them stuck in a deep, dark hole of worry, and our brain goes into a total "Fix-It" panic. We stand at the top of the hole, peer down, and shout: “Hey! At least you’re healthy! You want a sandwich?” 🥪

According to Dr. Brené Brown, that’s not actually empathy. It’s just being a polite neighbour who’s a little bit afraid of the dark.

The "At Least" Trap 🛑

Brené has this one golden rule: An empathetic response never starts with “At least.” * Friend: "I lost my job." → You: "At least you have savings!" (Ouch.) 📉

Friend: "My cat ran away." → You: "At least you’ll save money on cat food!" (Double ouch.) 🐱

Whenever we say "at least," we’re usually trying to find a silver lining because we feel uncomfortable with the sadness. We’re trying to correct the situation, when what they really need is for us to connect.

How to actually be there for someone ✨

Climb down: Don’t shout from the top. Get in the hole. Sit in the dark with them.

Leave the "Advice Hat" at home: They don't need a 5-step plan or a pep talk right now. They just need a witness. 🤐

Find the "Me Too": You might not have their exact problem, but you know what fear or loneliness feels like. Find that feeling in your own heart so you can sit there together. ❤️

Say the honest thing: "I don’t even know what to say right now, but I’m just so glad you told me."

The Big Takeaway

A sandwich (or a silver lining) rarely makes a hard time better. Connection does. So, next time someone you love is in the pit, leave the snacks at the surface. Just climb down, get a little dusty, and be present. It’s awkward, it’s messy, and it’s probably the best thing you can do. 🏠